Hollywood Lies: Stories by David Ambrose

Author:David Ambrose [Ambrose, David]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9781471128615
Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

The Fame that Dare Not Speak Its Name

‘Do I have to explain what a wet shot is?’

‘Um . . . no.’

‘There’s only two kinds of people – you know that? The kind who know what a wet shot is, and the kind who lie.’

‘I guess that’s true,’ Tom said, hoping his unease didn’t show, but increasingly convinced that he’d made a mistake in coming here. ‘Except maybe my grandmother. I don’t think she’d know.’

‘We’re not going for the grandmother market,’ replied the man in the baseball cap, Ray-Bans, and overgrown designer stubble. He leaned back in his chair, crossed his running shoes on the edge of his desk, and gestured with a stubby finger. ‘Pull up your pants, get some lunch, and be on set by two thirty. If you get a hard-on, you’re hired.’

And that was how Tom got into the X-rated movie business. His friend Hal at the Singing Lobster on Melrose had told him they were looking for guys who could act, and who had the other necessary qualifications. ‘What the hell?’ Hal had said. ‘You like girls, don’t you? And you get paid for it. Good money. If you can beat that deal, let me know!’

At first Tom had dismissed the idea out of hand. Then, after a while, he realized he was still thinking about it. He went on thinking about it for some time before he made the call.

What pushed him over the edge was going up for a part on a small independent feature. It wasn’t a big part, but it was the pivot of the picture. He knew so well how to play the role that in his head he was already rehearsing his speech of thanks to the Academy. Silly, he knew. But he also knew this could be the one. He just knew.

The part went to the star of a TV show who wanted to change his image, and who was also, as it happened, the boyfriend of the director’s agent.

That same week the Singing Lobster finally closed in the face of the tidal wave of new and better restaurants opening around that time. It was 1978. The Lobster was old without having become a tradition like Musso and Frank’s, The Palm, or Chasens.

Tom’s search for work led nowhere – and that was just work waiting tables. Acting jobs were even thinner on the ground. When his agent suggested that he might benefit from alternative representation, Tom fished out the matchbook from the back of his desk drawer and called the number written on it in pencil.

Hal had been in three X-rated features by now. He had an apartment at the beach and was renting a Porsche, which Tom thought was a crazy waste of money; but then Tom came from Idaho, whereas Hal was native Californian.

All the same, Tom liked Hal and chose to believe him when he said that the audition was the only time that Tom would feel any embarrassment. After that it was plain sailing and money for, well, doing what came naturally.

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